“Ya know, that’s not very nice.”
I don’t think that’s what my date had expected me to say. But when he began raking his ex over the coals for some of her personality traits I just had to say it. I had to tell him, “Ya know, that’s not very nice.” You see, it’s just not my style to speak ill of someone behind their back. Do I ever talk about people? Of course. But I try really REALLY hard to make sure my opinions are fair and that I’m only saying what really needs to be said. If it isn’t necessary for me to spend energy on, if no good will come from my negative comments, I weigh carefully if the words are worth speaking at all. Not because I am too good to gossip, or because I am some snooty-better-than-thou moral purist, but because I know that it simply isn’t nice or necessary or healthy to speak negatively every time the opportunity arises.
It’s safe to say that dating had some awkward moments for me. I was called “innocent”, and “childlike”, and “unique”, and got some odd looks from across the table at bars. Some men were curious. Some men questioned me. Some men even challenged me (which I rather enjoyed). Honestly, it struck me that I was seen as odd by these men because I openly talked about being committed to choosing happiness, and being the best human I can possibly be, and honoring my energy, and being honest.
I came out of the gate asking my dates how attached they are to their cell phones, how often they speak to their family, if they read. Not so I could judge them, but so I could gauge if I was even remotely interested in spending more time with this person. Compatibility is real. The cell phone question was always a doozy. I love my iPhone, I love it. But let’s be honest, some people’s relationship to their phone is unhealthy. It’s borderline obsession. I personally am not interested in competing with an electronic device for my partner’s attention. So I probed the subject on first dates. Is that REALLY that odd?
As I reflect on my experiences dating while trying to be as spiritually healthy and as true to myself as possible I’m not exactly sure which part of the equation made so many men uncomfortable. Was it odd that I was open about my journey and my love for growing in happiness? Or was it odd that a woman was sure of herself and sure of what she wants from a partner? Was it strange that on a first date I was willing to ask these questions, that I was seeking to protect my energy? I leave that to you to decide, but I am almost positive that it was a combination of all three.
All of this led me to ask myself how we as people have ended up in a place where being emotionally open and honest and sensitive has become seen as strange. Seen as different. Odd. Confusing. Unique. Don’t take me wrong. None of these men were outright rude to me, but their expressions said enough for me to know very clearly that I was throwing them a curve ball. I could feel “WHO THE HELL IS THIS CHICK?!” radiating off of them. And I truly did not care. Because I am protective of my space and my energy; and while I love every human as best I can, I want to save the role of my partner for someone who I trust and am truly compatible with.
My concern is not being sexy, it is being healthy.
I realized that while my questions regarding spirituality and life style weren’t sexy, they were necessary. And my concern is not being sexy, it is being healthy. So I continued asking my questions and sharing my views and letting my inner Moon Child shine because I refused to believe that my story was anywhere near over. Love was out there and the Universe was working to place me in the right place. I knew that I would get there, to the right place, as long as I remained true to the woman who the Universe has made me to be. And then, months later, I met my Love. And he didn’t think my questions were weird at all.